Hearing God

It's been a long while since I have taken the time, or maybe even had the courage to sit and let my heart out into words. I have so many things in my mind and heart, and yet many times I just feel clueless as to what is actually in my head. I am not sure if that makes sense, but I have a feeling if you are reading this and have been in the fire yourself, that you can probably understand and relate to the incomprehensible. My words today are something that have been on my heart a lot lately. I think most people who live in 2022 with kids and responsibilities know that things are just busy. Things are nonstop. Life is loud. I love the ball games, the concerts, social studies team, piano, life... I truly love it all. Being Mumma to my wonderful children is such a gift. In the midst of this though, I think for a long time or maybe for all of my life up until recently I have lived in a world of constant noise. What do I mean by noise... well music, books, tv, podcasts, sporting events, friends, school activities, volunteering. I love all of the things that I just mentioned and I do not think they are bad. I just think far too often I have filled my mind with constant noise without even realizing it. Or maybe I craved the true crime podcasts or the Magnolia Network because I wanted to avoid focusing on my own life and problems. I mean Pam just killed her husband on Dateline... Pam is really way more whacked out than I am. HA! All joking aside, I have really been trying to focus on becoming a better version of Holly, and when I study the Word of God I have been shocked by how often it says to "be quiet" "listen and hear" and "be still." I was raised in the Church... I have always been blessed with spiritual leaders surrounding me. I came to Jesus one summer on family vacation while in Colorado when I was around 11 years old. I was baptized in a river of melted snow runoff and nearly went to Heaven right then and there from hypothermia. My poor PaPaw Westbrook and Daddy braved the river with me that day. I know that Jesus died on that cross for my sinful self. I know that God my Father loves me enough to have let his perfect SON die for my (and your) sins. I truly have believed this with all my heart for the vast majority of my life. I have never been one to doubt the existence of God, but I do think I have often wondered why other people seem to have these spiritual "moments" that I didn't feel like I was experiencing or how people say they hear God speak to them. To be honest I sometimes felt like I didn't hear a whole lot. Over the last few months I think that I have come to realize I wasn't hearing from God because I wasn't positioning myself to LISTEN to God. I wasn't allowing myself the time to hear God. I was so busy with life and my own hurts that I was basically sticking in earplugs that kept Jesus out and I didn't even realize it. I had become deaf to the Father most of the time. Yes, I attended church services. I did pray. I did spend some time in the Word, but not really HEARING and LISTENING. I have a hard time with that concept... HEARING and then LISTENING. I think if you are honest with yourself that you might have trouble with that too. We often HEAR so many things, but do we truly LISTEN to what is being said around us? I think this can be used for our family, coworkers, friends, God, and the Spirit. Are we truly listening or are we just hearing and then trying to talk ourselves or move onto the next activity we have signed ourselves up for? Maybe just maybe we aren't HEARING from God in our life, because we aren't allowing ourselves to listen to HIM. Maybe we aren't allowing God's whispers into our hearts because we are too busy trying to figure out who is going to get voted out at the next tribal council or because we are so eaten up with who is in the White House. Instagram and Facebook are wonderful, yes I said it, wonderful. I love them both. I live far away from my family and the friends I grew up with and I tell ya I LOVE to see the pictures and the adventures you all go on. I love to see the families you have built, but just with everything else I would find myself mindlessly scrolling watching 10 silly cat videos in a row and then 45 minutes had gone by. Why? Maybe we have so many problems and we are in the FIRE and it just feels better to ignore it all and watch Joanna make that ugly house look like a million bucks. Like I said, I do not think these things are necessarily wrong if they are controlled and limited, but my problem came in when I let the noise take over my entire life. I never even gave God a shot to get a word in. The Word of God should be our daily bread. It shouldn't be our cheat meal that we have once a week. It should be the focus of our existence. Why we do what we do everyday. We plug into everything and I do believe we all strive to be amazing humans, but what is missing? I think we need to tune into God the Father. I think we need to plug in and be still and pray that the Spirit will speak and that WE will be still long enough to listen. When in the fires of life, if we are honest I think we all know the help and comfort we need comes from above and not media or Nicholas Sparks (even though I love a good Sparks novel). I think finally... 35 years into my life with scars and bruises I have finally realized that quiet and still are good and okay and completely needed. The quiet and stillness are uncomfortable sometimes and honestly being alone with one's thoughts isn't always that fun. I think though, when we use this quiet time to pray, think of our Heavenly Father, and meditate, that is when we really plug into God. I am new to this whole quiet thing. I think if you know me at all you would have surely noticed that quiet isn't typically my style. I am a people person, I love to talk and converse... but recently I have gained a new love of silence. I crave the quiet time alone chatting it up with God. I am sure he thinks I am a hot mess, but I know HE still loves me. In this new found stillness I have also noticed a peace.. even in the tough moments, I have noticed a peace when I intentionally slow it down and seek God. I have noticed God in the things around me. I can say I have truly felt HIS presence in the fire. I think that it comes from the quiet. James 1:19 Let every person be quick to hear and slow to speak. Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent. Psalms 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently on him; Eccelesiates 3:7 a time to keep silence, and a time to speak. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 and to aspire to live quietly Matthew 7:24 Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.